i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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