we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
tequila makes me forget i have legs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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