do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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