Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
