last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
