if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
