Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
