never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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