I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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