I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
