why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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