let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
