Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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