apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
