wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
