I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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