I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
