Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
