can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
