next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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