I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
