In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
