oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
