I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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