I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
