My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
