Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
