help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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