You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
