I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
