but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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