allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you traded sex for a burrito?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is classic penis vs brain.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
