dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
