Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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