I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
