escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
