1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My ass is underappreciated
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
