I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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