are you so shy because you have an std?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
