thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
