Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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