just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
