your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
