You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
