They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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