dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
