how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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