You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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