I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
