im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
well you can't waste a boner
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
