I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
