i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
