batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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